Stop running

Sitting here, on my couch, looking back on the last year of my life, I’ve begun to realize - I’ve changed. And while, yes, I’m sure you’re probably thinking something to the effect of, “well, yes, Matt, we all change”, for me it’s a more pronounced change than I can remember in my recent years.

Hear me out.

For all of the talk of “quarterlife” crisis, the depression that comes at 30, the realization that life is fleeting, and the unexpected choices we have to face and deal with everyday, I’ve realized I’m not running away from these things anymore. I’m finally able to step back and embrace me, at 30, and be happy about who I am and what i’ve done and what I can offer to myself, my friends and the world at large.

But most importantly for me, is that for the first time in my life, the life I’m living after 30, is starting to come into focus. It’s starting to make sense. And it’s not scary anymore.

The thoughts of marriage and someday having a family, corresponding with professional desires and goals have built my first five-year plan for after 30. And that is amazingly exciting.

So I can stop running. I feel like the last few years have been a lot of running. Trying to figure out how to get to a place I didn’t even know I was going. But running, sometimes away from something, sometimes running towards something. But still running all the same.

But running in circles is frustrating - especially for me, who is someone who wants each day to be fruitful, to accomplish something, to learn something new.

But I’m comfortable with myself and my abilities, and instead of blindly going somewhere, I feel like I can stop running and savor what’s here. And really feel like it’s not over - rather it’s just beginning. And it’s been a long time coming. And the road ahead is just as bright.

So, come along with me for the ride. I hope I can look back on this post as the first day of the next bit of my life.

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