One year later

tumblr_ku8mhvtevb1qz7s1bo1_500

One year ago today, you left us unexpectedly and somehow I put it together long enough to write this. I think today on the anniversary of your passing, I’m sort of caught with a bunch of conflicted emotions that I don’t know how to make sense out of. I can’t believe it’s been an entire year. I can’t believe all of the things that have happened that I want to tell you about. I can’t believe I didn’t buy you a birthday present for the first time this year, and that the trip to Home Depot to get your live Christmas tree won’t be happening. I can’t accept your playful guff about how your Yankees won the World Series in their new stadium.

When I went to go see you a few weeks ago, I knew that you were still with me. The place where you lie now is peaceful, and brings me peace and solace. When we talk, I know you’re listening. When you brought snow last night, just like you did on the day you left, I know it was because you wanted us to remember again. And when you brought us a beautiful winter day to remember you again, I know it’s your way of saying “I’m ok”. And it’s not like we’ve ever forgotten.

We’re all ok too. But we miss you. And next time I come to see you, I’ll have a Yankees World Series cap in tow. Just because.

And you’ll always be riding with us – I named my new car Deb, because it’s going to keep us safe, and take us to great places. Something I know you would have always wanted.

We always love you. We’ll always remember.

Thank you for all you’ve done for me.


9 Responses to “One year later”

  1. Miss Destructo December 6, 2009 at 11:16 am #

    Matt, never forget. <3 I am not going to lie, it doesn’t get any easier and the holidays are the worst. But, just remember that you are still here to live through her memories everyday. You are a great person with a big heart, this is a beautiful post. :)

    Huge warm hug from my family to yours.
    -Miss D

  2. zarzecks December 6, 2009 at 11:20 am #

    My thoughts are with you Matt.

  3. Danielle December 6, 2009 at 2:03 pm #

    Beautifully said Matt.

  4. Meg December 6, 2009 at 2:27 pm #

    Much love, my friend. My life has changed immeasurably for knowing you, and though I never had the privilege to meet your mother, I know that who you are is a reflection of the love she brought into your life.

    My thoughts and prayers are with your family today (and all the other days, too.)

  5. SuperGreek December 6, 2009 at 5:31 pm #

    Much love to you and your family.

  6. thespottedduck December 7, 2009 at 9:38 am #

    Big hugs all around. Her spirit lives on in all the good that you do.

  7. Whitney Hess December 13, 2009 at 10:37 am #

    Matt, I think of you every day and I thank God that somehow our paths crossed and I found such a kindred spirit and true friend. Your strength and grace throughout the past year have been incredible to watch, and has made me that much prouder to know you. I know your mom would be so proud of all that you’ve achieved, and that she is always with you. You’re very loved.

  8. Jesser December 17, 2009 at 9:31 am #

    I’m so very sorry you have to miss her.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The last segment | tagsmith.org - April 21, 2011

    [...] the other milestones of her life, her birthday, which doesn’t have quite the spam impact and the anniversary of her passing.  Which, no marketers are interested in.   It’s a day I choose to mourn in [...]

Leave a Reply