So it’s been 6 days since I lost my mother, and calling them the hardest 6 days of my life is a gross understatement. The emotional roller coaster of it all has been exhausting. My shock is slowly starting to wear off, and is replaced with memories of good times, and great things that she has done for me. And the sun has started to come out, literally and figuratively for the first time since she passed. (I’m convinced she slipped the weather gods a fifty, and she’s been dictating for the last few days).
But, during this holiday season, a time for reflection and joy, and rememberance, I am so eternally blessed to have the greatest gift of all – and that’s unconditional, and undeniable love. My family, who’s definitely a desperate clan sometimes, came together to remember my mom, and share in the good times, and the sillyness that we become when we’re together. I never thought I’d laugh so much during the funeral process, as a clan of people, used to hard times, and not taking themselves too serious, helped me to understand that it’s ok to smile and laugh and be happy again – that the pain, while never to completely leave, can subside – that it’s actually ok to start to look forward to the rest of my life. And while it saddens me that my mom has left us here in her more earthly form, she lives inside all of us forever, and she’ll never be far from my thoughts. We remember her for what she did for us, and I as her legacy, will never forget.
But, I also received the most unexpected of gifts – and that was an absolute flood of love and support, manifesting itself in every form imaginable – cards, letters, flowers, text messages, blog comments, direct messages, Twitter replies, phone calls, voice mails, two different Twitter memes, thoughts, prayers and even a Facebook fan page (?! 🙂 ) , and to say the least it was humbling and overwhelming. I didn’t know I could matter so much – I always feel like I’m just being me, the me that my mom helped me to become, and that doing the right thing for people was just that – “the right thing to do”. But, man, it helped me to build strength when I needed it most – I had this undeniable shield of love and support that would never let me fail, and never let me give up. The mission was clear and strong – I am loved, and will always be, and that, when I was at my worst, helped me to never give up hope, and never change.
I just wanted to take a moment and thank you all again. From the bottom of my heart. From the deepest reaches of my soul. On behalf of me. My mom. The rest of my family. Your love and support at this darkest of times will never be forgotten, and I just hope I can continue to be there for all of you – whenever you need me, in good times and bad. It has truly been the greatest gift at the greatest time. Because, for her, it was never about her – it was always about “us”. And that’s the way I will try to live the rest of my life. Because, in the end, in this craziness called life, we are all in this together. We all win together. We all lose together. We all laugh, and cry, and share, and grow. And, I am eternally grateful to know that I will never be alone.
Thank you. Happy holidays. Hug someone you love today. God bless you. I love you all, and hope to see you (and hug you all) very, very soon.